Thursday, July 12, 2007

Let's speaka da Ingrish!

A compilation of howlers that a colleague culled from exam papers a few years ago and contributed to the annual magazine like so...

Laughing at the expense of others - the students in particular, is it cruel? Maybe. Should a teacher do that? Probably not, but sometimes it is just so hard not to do so. Let us give you a taste of what we've had to endure (with a straight face) through the years.

Make sentences with:

null and void -

a) The complete silence in Hiroshima was null and void.
b) To null and void we go to the market.
c) Null and void is such a wicked man.

next to no time -
a) Monday is a happy time, next monday is no time.
b) I cannot attend the class in time, the teacher give me in next to no time.

the apple of her eye
Isaac Newton was the discoverer the apple of her eye from the apple lay it down.

high and dry
I can't cook, cooking is high and dry for human.

in two minds
a) Rama was condemned in two minds of Sangi and Rami.
b) He was in two minds person.

gift of the gab
a) With gift of the gab I consult the doctor.
b) The precious exams was the gift of the gab.

a wet blanket
a) Get your wet blanket face off me.
b) Johny was like a wet blanket, he was 102 kg.

in a nutshell
a) Samuel usually eats things which is inside a nutshell.
b) The beggars make their beggars bowl in a nutshell.

vague misgivings
a) Don't misgiving your vague.
b) He present his girlfriend a watch but it was a vague misgiving.

And who was Leonardo da Vinci?
a) Leonardo was a poet, an engineer, he also wrote a poem and a sonnet.
b) Leonardo Vinci was the early socialist artist of the history of Europe.
c) He wrote the famous picture 'Last Super'.
d) He was paint a very important for the people of Italian, like a Lisa.
e) The citizens of French which was pride of him.

These are in a category by themselves... guess their meaning!

Man live for rice.
They wear their necklace kamis which is called rebirth.
Endangered species are the species on land.
A "doormant account" is an account open by a person who is a sleeping person.
Finish goods cannot sells is like an empty jar.
Green stone used in jewellery = quarry!
Our politicians jumped into the jampacked.
Terror have no any chance for loot and plunder.
In that town security is also tightly available.
Student life is very good and enjoyable like no tension and no mention.

So what do you think? Hilarious? Unbelievable? Frustrating? Our sentiments exactly!



  1. lolzzz...lmao..but hey breaks my heart when i get into the "ram hmangaih" mode (the politically correct mode lolzz)..cuz these kids will look for a job one day and in india without english or hindi u are no where..but it still cracked me up!! lolzzzzz..( we two are bad bad wicked wicked teachers??? lolzzz)

  2. and the winner is:

    Isaac Newton was the discoverer the apple of her eye from the apple lay it down.

    whatever that means.

    absolutely priceless, J.

  3. life10, I know, I know...but this is one of the perks of being a teacher :D And don't worry, somehow these kids get by and evolve into perfectly respectable, self-reliant people.

    aduhi, priceless is the right word! heheh

  4. while each of you many laff aloud, don't forget we've struggled with the Bard's language as well...

    I remember how is 6th Standard (still don't know what standards we kept talking about? cos i've constantly went downhill :), we were asked to use the phrase "bone of contention" in a sentence...

    and howlers of the sort you mention here emerged... the teacher even read them aloud to the class later on... :(

    mine was no good either. don't remember the exact sentence though.. or too ashamed to share it here :))

  5. I told you before, tinks, these are college kids aged 18 to 25. And granted, idioms are difficult to grasp in any language. Please do share your "bone" here :))

  6. Ha ! Ha ! One off my colleagues at work has named me " Professor Higgins" because I keep correcting emails, reports memos etc for grammar . Believe me I have seen worse !

  7. Phew, that's a relief, WB!

    I remember once seeing a handwritten sign on the door of a closed shop in Calcutta saying, "We have shipted to .....Street" :D

  8. Hilarious, Unbelievable, frustrating...

    all of the above

  9. o man! this is still understandable what with english not our mother tongue and all...
    the funniest part was in our school days, we were asked to write sentences using "mizo tawng upa" rt? and some of my classmates wrote her aunt's name instead of 'Chawngawlipa hlam'..stuff like this will always crop up now n then. i applaud u for suckin it up for so long..
    if it was me, i wud just shoot them all...kidding

  10. hey sorry i have some spelling/grammar the comment i just posted..will never let that happen again...i guess we are all