Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Practical Woman's Guide to Commonsensical Feminism


Perhaps because I'm a single, working, financially independent woman, people often assume I must also be a hardbitten, raving feminist. The kind who doesn't need a man at all and goes around talking men down and putting them in their place. Not quite.

With no brothers and my father dying young, I grew up in a very feminine environment. There was my mother, grandmother and three sisters. No man to kowtow to or lording it over the womenfolk, expecting to be waited upon or cleaned up after. No male so visually challenged or physically incompetent that he must royally summon a wife or daughter to turn on the radio that's just within his reach as he sits hogging the TV. At least that's what a friend once said was one of her father's most aggravating habits. When I reminded her about it recently, she said that was just what her husband now does, adding exasperatedly why is it that men just cannot seem to find anything around the house even if it's right in front of their noses.

I sympathise entirely with women who have to put up with that kind of running-after-grown-men-as-if-they're-infants-in-diapers affliction. At least infants grow out of their diapers into a happy I-can-take-care-of-myself-now independence. If they're not male, that is, hyuk hyuk.

Snipes apart, I'm not really one for an all-out, virulent feminism. In fact, I think men are really very useful creatures. And that's not being sardonic. I do really, actually mean it.

Precisely because I grew up and continue to live in a feminine environment, I've learnt to appreciate and be thankful for the way Nature has programmed and hardwired the male of the species. They don't think like us, for one thing, and I have the greatest respect for the male thought process especially in practical matters. Time and again, there have been problems around the house that leave me stumped and male friends/neighbours/relatives have bailed me out. Their qualifications and training often don't even begin to enter the picture. Just being male somehow seems to equip them with a natural-born know-how.

Unplugging drains and deflooding sinks, working out kinks in the mechanics of all things mechanical, sizing up a worrisome situation and swiftly coming up with a workable solution, I've lost count of the number of times men have come to our rescue with invaluable help and advice. A few years ago when we first brought my paraplegic sister home from hospital, I remember desperately wanting practical male advice on how to re-plan her room and parts of the house, and later her wheelchair so it could hold a toilet bowl. One by one, things fell into place with the systematic aid and advice of male guardian angels.

So it often seems absurd and unrealistic to me when overly strident feminists raise ex-parte slogans like Down With Men! Women Power! and the like. I believe in the indispensability of the male of the species. I believe in the structure of the male brain that approaches and responds to a problem coolly and logically. I believe men complement women perfectly by providing a down to earth take on things while women open up men's eyes to the emotional aspects of life. Ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, I believe in the perfection of the Maker's design in creating both male and female differently to form a complete whole. And vive la différence.

20 comments:

  1. what a sweet post of acknowledgement.. you know, my husband's sense of direction and management skills amaze me each single time we go out on a trip, plan a holiday, etc. he's lazy around the house, but so am i so we have no one to blame really..

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  3. Man fu chat chat pol tak i ni, a ngaihnawm reuh zek i thil ziah hi. Ka chunga mi sawi ang hian Gym bulah kalo mu ve mai te'ng...lolzz

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  4. Exactly gauri, men have natural skills that we lack and when you live in an all-women household you feel it pretty acutely.

    Pica, yes that's a great idea. Hit the gym!

    sawmpui, harsatna hian mit a ti var duh ve alom. Swimming leh toh ula..

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  5. I agree men can be quite useful at times, for instance to change the occasional lightbulb, to lift heavy things etc. Where would I be without men? About your friend whose husband hogs the TV the same way her father does, it reminds me of what the experts used to say, that when we get married we tend to look out for qualities that we've seen in our fathers and male relatives. Subconcsiously, at least.

    I think this post will be a big hit with the men folk.

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  6. ambs, I don't need a man to change my light bulbs or gas cylinders. I'm an expert at that. But yes, I suppose this post sounds like a total male ass kisser. So let me clarify that I definitely don't agree to or with every single thing men say and do. Especially the bigoted, the uncultured, the sexist and the ignoramus know-it-alls. Sheesh, morons like those get my goat every time.

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  7. Thank god evolution has worked quite well in programming guys to be like guys and girls to be like girls. I suppose agamogenesis would have made us into a colony of ants where all of us would be behaving exactly the same way.

    Vive la difference! You can say that again Z!!

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  8. having grown up with 3 brothers (no sisters), i suppose i had the opposite experience! i, therefore, was born with a handicap as far as the fairer sex is concerned and am still trying to find out how they tick ;)

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  9. Loch, vive la différence. There, I said it again :D

    plats, with a wife and a daughter I'd have thought you'd know a whole lot and more about the fairer sex by now!

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  10. Great read.. and being from the technical industry where logical thinking is your only weapon, I truly agree with your observation.
    On the other hand, while we men are equipped with a "natural-born know-how", women are equipped with the emotional and artistic knowledge of things around them, which us men tend to overlook.
    For us, everything NEEDS to make sense, while for the fairer sex, its ok if it doesn't.

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  11. When I share concerns with a female, she would either empathise or become even more worried than me..making my worries seem worse. On the other hand, males will logicalize it so that the matter seems totally overcomable. So I find male perspective really helpful most times.

    On the other hand, males can't multitask to save themselves:)

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  12. red, things do need to make sense for us too! I can't imagine what makes you say it doesn't.

    Agreed in totality, diary :)

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  13. Hmeichhia zawng2 an inang vek lo ang bawkin mipa pawh hi an inang vek lem lo. A tul phawt chuan hmunphiah, insuk, chhuatnawh, thleng sil, khum siam, etc. hi tih hreh turah ka ngai lo. Chutiang tur chuan ka fate pawh ka zirtir mek. Mahse, a harsa khawp mai.

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  14. @Samuelapa, inchhung hna khawih chungchangah hi chuan...hmeichhia te zawk hi kan tidik lo thin in ka hria. Mipa in tih an tum ve loh hian kan phun kan phun a, an han tih trum hian hmeichhia zawk hi kan inthlahrung leh em em a. A nih loh pawhin kan lawm over a, hehe. Mipa tan chuan an tih loh tur ti ang a inngaih loh theih loh a lawm.

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  15. 'I think men are really very useful creatures' Creatures... Ka rilru ka sawichhauk thiamlo, mahse ka la ulh tlat pek. A dang zawnga fak deuhna rilru pu a i ziah nen :) . Mu lum anga dam mai ang

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  16. Hehehe vana, ka rilru zep ruk i ron hai fuh chat mai. Men are really very useful animals ka ti dawn zet a mahse a obvious e mai ka tia, tawngkam subtle deuh zawk creatures ka ti leh ta nih kha hihi.

    samupa, nia mipa hian housework hi tih hreh miah loh tur. Tunlai chhanah stereotyped roles as in men bring in the money and women look after the house ang hi a extinct tawh si a. Zirtir har mahse ti tang² zel teh u. As it is, we need more enlightened males in our society.

    Very true again, diary. Guess it's hard to get really get out of the rut of stereotyped thinking, sigh.

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  17. I agree. Now that we are not the only ones bringing home the bacon, we gotta learn to make ourselves a little more useful. But then, equality is such a difficult thing to achieve in a household. Somebody - man or woman - simply ends up getting the upper hand.

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  18. A sane and balanced view, this.Vive la difference! We all have different abilities and need the help of one another. No point in taunting or undermining either gender. Both are equal but different.

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  19. Very true that, porcheblues. Equality's sure hard to achieve in certain situations.

    Thanks, mesjay. Couldn't agree more.

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  20. @ mesjay's "both are equal but different" ...cheers! I've never been a male chauvinist nor for feminism...I have learned to cherish the beauty of the differences between the two sexes no matter how irritating it may be at times

    Personally, I dont feign from doing chores or roles attributed to the female species of our society...so who's the lucky girl?? (snicker2)

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