Sunday, March 18, 2012

Older and wiser, you think?


What is it with the generation gap thing? Why do we so often blithely assume that just because someone's a little younger/older than we are, they don't have the same feelings we do? Here's something I wrote late last month at a time when I was badly in need of a little comfort. And which by the way, never came.


Just because I'm older
doesn't mean I don't have feelings
that I don't hurt
that I don't ache
that I don't feel confused and overwhelmed 
by forces beyond my control
just as you do.

I'm just as human as you are
just as vulnerable
just as open to pain
just as much in need of a caring word
when life hurts.

I may be older but not any wiser
than you are.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Last Farewell



Yesterday at roughly the time as I write this, 4pm, we said goodbye to the last of our long line of dogs. Boom Boom,  aged 15, which in human years would be roughly 105, finally joined his siblings and assorted familia on the other side. 

The entire clan descended from a little Chihuahua type Cindy (I say type because she looked exactly like one though she wasn't a pure breed) who came to us in 1984 from Pu Dunglena of Laipuitlang who gifted her to my mother. She was the tiniest little thing and we adored and spoiled her rotten to the point that she became notorious in the neighbourhood as a tiny terroriser of visitors. Although she died only aged 9 as a victim of food poisoning from a bone she dug up in the garden, she spawned a hardy, healthy breed who were to stretch on for almost 28 years. Potty,  Nauteii,  Benjy, Tim Tim, Snowball, Gorby, Teii, Patea, Nupuii, Sentea, Boom Boom, Totie, Mami, Pom Pom. In between, there were many puppies whose names I cannot remember because they didn't live long enough to develop their own personalities.

Boom Boom outlived them all. He had always been lean and wiry and had an incredibly resilient constitution. I don't recall ever having to take him to the vety hospital or calling the vet for him until the last couple of years when he fell sick a couple of times. 


He lived in my sister's P's room and provided her close companionship specially after her especial pet Mami died at the end of 2008. Last August or September, he fell so sick we thought he was going to die but somehow he recovered and went back to being his old self. But at such a ripe old age, he got slower, his teeth fell out, leaked pee as he walked and his hearing became very bad. Around the beginning of December, as we were busy getting a false ceiling put in, he began to lose interest in food and couldn't jump down from my sister's bed anymore. A week or so later, he couldn't get down from the chairs either. In the days following Christmas, his eyes became teary and on New Year's day, he began bumping into things and we finally called the vet who thought he might have corneal ulcer. He hoped for the best with a dose of antibiotics and said eye drops might help if the pupils hadn't been infected but he did admit that Boom had a lot of complications, his advanced age being not the least of them.

But Boom Boom didn't improve. Instead he completely stopped eating and drinking water and became steadily weaker. He would stagger around bumping into the furniture, and stand nose pressed to the wall in defeat or slump gradually to the floor. By Tuesday, he also began having pain and kept yelping weakly. We didn't get much sleep that night. The next morning we made the painful decision to put him down. When the vet's assistant arrived at 4, he was already too far gone to put up any resistance. A shot in the vein and he was gone.

What feels awful now is that my sister, a paraplegic shut-in, has no little ones to share her room with. Perhaps someday she might want to take in a dog again but right now, she says she doesn't want another. My youngest sister M's pet Kuri is still around, a roll of fat and fur, but she originates from another breed. With Boom Boom, an entire family line has come to an end. For years, the house was always filled with dogs shedding fur all over the place and I often longed for a spanking clean house where you didn't have to keep brushing off fur from your clothes. Now it looks like we're finally going to have that neat, pretty much fur-less house, but the emptiness in the house echoes unbearably.

                                                   

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

And here we go again

A brand new year, whoop de doo. To be honest, I'm completely uninspired. No grandiose thoughts, no highfalutin words. I admit I have writer's block so I'll just post this inspired little quote which I think scores incredibly high on the reality check factor scale.

Happy New Year by the way.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Let's go shoot a hole in the moon




Weird how some things you just never learn and some you're never too late to learn. Like I've never learned how to photograph a full moon though I always wanted to. And stupidly enough, I never had the sense to google it up. I was trying to shoot the full moon/ lunar eclipse earlier tonight and getting extremely riled as usual. Finally, I gave up in frustration and googled settings for full moon. Turns out I'd been doing it all wrong. The moon is actually a lot brighter than the mind thinks and the eye sees, and underestimating its brightness is one of the most common mistakes photographers make in their first attempts at lunar shots. ISO at 100 for moon shots and not 800 as I'd been shooting with in vain. I stand corrected. Better luck next time, hopefully.


Thursday, November 03, 2011

Sweet November



And it's cold and grey. Which, in this age of global warming and hole in ozone effects, makes for one beautiful season in a soulfully sad way. The 1st was my birthday and I had a department meeting and exam invigilation duty :"( But I came across this quote that I think makes for a pretty accurate birthday reflection. For the record, I did not write it.

I've made mistakes in my life.
I've let people take advantage of me,
and I accepted way less than I deserve.
But I've learned from my bad choices
and even though there are some things I can never
get back and people who will never be sorry,
I'll know better next time and
I won't settle for anything less than I deserve.


*Photo by Rd Hauhnar, Malmo, Sweden

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

No rest for the wicked


October has one foot out the door already and I haven't turned in an entry for it yet. Things have been so frantically, hectically busy since the middle of September, I get dizzy every time I even crane my neck. Yep, literally. And most of it was work-related. The annual inter-college sports meet is always a major item on the calendar in this part of the world and this year was no different. I personally don't think it should be but who cares what I think. So we had a week's mad high of songs, slogans and sledgings, fuelled by teenaged adrenaline and hormones. This year, the gods smiled on us and championship clinched on a day saturated with screamus delirious, the kids went berserk with joy. Here's a short video clip I took of them capering around in an impromptu celebratory jig, golden pompoms et al.



That done, I had to turn to my backlog of paperwork. Test papers, home assignments, the usual entrapments of a teacher.  And all with the deadline hanging over my beleaguered head. In the middle of it, we had a family wedding. Now we haven't welcomed a bride to the family for over twelve years or so, so we all went a little overboard. After all, there have been so many new fangled innovations to weddings with colour themed clothing for the bride's side and the groom's side, the pro-photographers et al. When we compared notes the day after, we had all almost killed ourselves tottering around all day in our high heels and fighting off the heat in our new royal blue formal wear. Oh well, a family wedding doesn't happen everyday after all. 

More paperwork. Questions for exams. Sigh, I wonder who invented exams. The kids hate them, the teachers hate them. The parents probably hate them too. Come early November and we'll all be lumbering home with... you got it, more paperwork. No rest for the wicked. Ah, well, I still love my job and wouldn't trade it for any other.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

September




And time moves on,
relentless


Saturday, August 20, 2011

My Mountain, My Time



No one can choose your mountain,
or tell you when to climb.  
It's yours, and yours alone 
to challenge 
at your own pace
and time.