Conscience-speak

A student died yesterday. Having been a teacher for several years now, I've had a few students cop out before but somehow this one made me stop and think. I'd been the one to enter his name on the class register but I can't recall what he must have looked like. Was he short or tall, thin or fat, fair or dark? They say he'd had kidney problems and then a heavy case of jaundice which he'd succumbed to. I've been thinking a lot of things. Like it was just a couple of months ago that he'd come to class with high expectations, thinking he was now in college and on his way to getting a degree. And only a short time later he's dead and gone; his name soon to be removed from the records, and apart from a mention in the annual magazine, his memory obliterated.

As a Christian I've been thinking....what have I ever said to these young people about life hereafter. I teach them how to write an application for a job, how to write a resume, delve into and discuss the intricacies of human psychology, social and cultural myths and mores, etc etc via literature. I see myself as helping them get that degree.

But what about life after death? To them I'm an adult figure and whatever my inadequacies, they see me as a responsible, trusted mature person and I should be a guide, a mentor, a someone who ought to know that their young lives can suddenly be cut short and prepares them in some way or the other for that eventuality.

It's humbling to feel so completely inadequate and useless.

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This is where the buck stops!

I'm going to rave and rant this time. No putting my best foot forward. No pretty speeches. No clever poems. No killing 'em softly with a song. And don't miss the blood red text colour.

My biggest grouse about blogging and my fellow bloggers: why oh why oh why can't people have the decency to ask if they might add me to their blogroll? Where have good manners and the simple "Mind if I add you?" one-liner disappeared? It was there when I first started blogging a year ago but since I don't know when, I've clicked onto people's blogs and found mine quietly sitting on their blogrolls without so much as a by your leave. Now that really gets me, people! Sure I'm flattered as shit you consider me worthy of being featured on your personal pages but puhleeeze, have the decency to check with me first. In other words, knock on my door and ask "May I?" Puhleeze!

As it is, I'm not even sure anymore if I should continue going public. Unlike a lot of other people I know personally who choose to make very impersonal inputs, preferring to air cultural, social, religious, et al concerns, I have chosen to write on very personal matters. And I'm frankly freaked that any passing Tom, Dick or Harry should just sit out there and give my innermost thoughts a virtual onceover. So if one of these days, this place goes under lock and key, this is why!

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Of Blogs and Temps and "The One"

I loved my Magic Paper template so but it gave me endless problems and the last straw was when it just crashed the other day. And that's the second time that the site which hosted it closed down without so much as a by your leave. But then that's how the cookie crumbles in these dizzily paced times.

I once came across a beautiful temp with an antique paper scroll look and that's what I hope to hound down sometime. If anyone's come across it, let me know. It's tough work wading through mountains of temps, some so silly and teenagerish they give me goosebumps the size of teen acne. But in my case I know for sure there's one temp out there on the world wide web that's just sitting there waiting for me and so, go on I must. Not that this isn't a bad looking temp. I like the slightly yellowed olde look. Suits me just fine methinks.

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Seasons of My Life: a Perspective

A friend sent me this picture sometime ago. I hadn't really given it much thought then but as I was cleaning out my inbox last night I was suddenly struck by the poignance of the set of images. What saddened me especially was the deepening darkness as the seasons wear on.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about aging. I noticed little creases around a friend's eyes the other day and when I checked at home a few days later, found those telltale signs on myself too. Besides the crows' feet, I've also noticed over the last few years that I'm not as fit and agile as I once was. It no longer takes just a good night's sleep to get aching bones and muscles to mend completely. It now takes at least a couple of days to limp back to normal. The old bag doesn't exactly sag and droop like the proverbial sack of whatnot yet but the old butt definitely isn't as easy to move around as it used to be.

But that's the physical side of it. I never was any Helen of Troy so it doesn't hit me so bad that I might want to do a Monroe and call it quits just because of a few lines. And aging is so clearly a blessing for me in terms of so many things.

I used to be the world's shyest, most taciturn child. A couple of tactless people even actually asked my mother if I could talk. I was naturally shy and quiet, addled with all kinds of insecurities and complexes, among which was having two very pretty sisters. Then at age 11, I was suddenly transplanted to a different environment following my father's death, having to attend the local school since Mum couldn't afford to continue sending me and my sisters to boarding school in Darjeeling. Coping with all the environmental changes and teenage angst was t-o-u-g-h but somehow I survived. Still very shy, very unsure, very uncertain of anything.

I got into teaching which isn't exactly a profession for introverts but somewhere along the line, self confidence built up. Gradually there were a few things that I was sure of, where I had faith in my abilities, and knew I had something in me of good worth. I've come now to realise, partly through good advice I read repeatedly in books and mags that most people are very shy too, and if they're younger or I feel they could in some way feel intimidated by me (yes, amazing as it is, there are now some people actually intimidated by little olde me :0)) I try to put them at ease by gabbing a lot of nonsense and covering up those horribly awkward silences. I'm still not by any means even in the world's top 10000 best ice breakers but hey, I've come a long way, baby.

Propped up by a very precious faith in God, I'm now comfortable with myself and who and what I am, my limitations and drawbacks, my strengths and plus points. And that ease of being in my own skin doesn't even begin to compare with a few lines and acheovers. You win some, you lose some and I know for certain that I've won more than I've lost.

And at the end of it all, when under a dark pit I lie with only a little cross to mark my fleeting presence on earth, I think I shall be quite satisfied that I'd had a good life.

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Wish you were here

there's distance between us

and you're on my mind
as i lay here in the darkness
i can't find no peace inside

i wish you were here, holding me tight
if i had you near, it would make it alright
i wish you were here
'cause i feel like a child tonight

there's rain on my window
and i can count the drops
but i can't help feeling lonely
there's no way, no way that i could stop

each moment is a memory
time is so unkind
every hour filled with an emptiness
i can't hide

oh, there's distance between us
can't get you out of my mind
as i lay here in the darkness
i can find no peace inside

i wish you were here, holding me tight
if i had you near, it would make it alright
i wish you were here
'cause I feel like a child tonight


lyrics by Christine McVie and Colin Allen

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Love Song to a Stranger

how long since i've spent a whole night in a twin bed with a stranger
his warm arms all around me?
how long since I've gazed into dark eyes that melted my soul down
to a place where it longs to be?
all of your history has little to do with your face
you're mainly a mystery with violins filling in space

you stood in the nude by the mirror and picked out a rose
from the bouquet in our hotel
and lay down beside me again and i watched the rose
on the pillow where it fell
i sank and i slept in a twilight with only one care
to know that when day broke and i woke that you'd still be there

the hours for once they passed slowly, unendingly by
like a sweet breeze on a field
your gentleness came down upon me and I guess i thanked you
when you caused me to yield
we spoke not a sentence and took not a footstep beyond
our two days together which seemingly soon would be gone

don't tell me of love everlasting and other sad dreams
i don't want to hear
just tell me of passionate strangers who rescue each other
from a lifetime of cares
because if love means forever, expecting nothing returned
then I hope i'll be given another whole lifetime to learn

because you gave to me oh so many things it makes me wonder
how they could belong to me
and i gave you only my dark eyes that melted your soul down
to a place where it longs to be.

Words and music by Joan Baez

I've loved this song for years, loved the stark accoustic arrangements and the poetry of its lyrics. I read in a bio of Baez that she didn't write it for Dylan but some much younger relative stranger that she picked up on the road. I like that.

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Let's speaka da Ingrish!

A compilation of howlers that a colleague culled from exam papers a few years ago and contributed to the annual magazine like so...

Laughing at the expense of others - the students in particular, is it cruel? Maybe. Should a teacher do that? Probably not, but sometimes it is just so hard not to do so. Let us give you a taste of what we've had to endure (with a straight face) through the years.

Make sentences with:

null and void -
a) The complete silence in Hiroshima was null and void.
b) To null and void we go to the market.
c) Null and void is such a wicked man.

next to no time -
a) Monday is a happy time, next monday is no time.
b) I cannot attend the class in time, the teacher give me in next to no time.

the apple of her eye
Isaac Newton was the discoverer the apple of her eye from the apple lay it down.

high and dry
I can't cook, cooking is high and dry for human.

in two minds
a) Rama was condemned in two minds of Sangi and Rami.
b) He was in two minds person.

gift of the gab
a) With gift of the gab I consult the doctor.
b) The precious exams was the gift of the gab.

a wet blanket
a) Get your wet blanket face off me.
b) Johny was like a wet blanket, he was 102 kg.

in a nutshell
a) Samuel usually eats things which is inside a nutshell.
b) The beggars make their beggars bowl in a nutshell.

vague misgivings
a) Don't misgiving your vague.
b) He present his girlfriend a watch but it was a vague misgiving.

And who was Leonardo da Vinci?
a) Leonardo was a poet, an engineer, he also wrote a poem and a sonnet.
b) Leonardo Vinci was the early socialist artist of the history of Europe.
c) He wrote the famous picture 'Last Super'.
d) He was paint a very important for the people of Italian, like a Lisa.
e) The citizens of French which was pride of him.


These are in a category by themselves... guess their meaning!

Man live for rice.
They wear their necklace kamis which is called rebirth.
Endangered species are the species on land.
A "doormant account" is an account open by a person who is a sleeping person.
Finish goods cannot sells is like an empty jar.
Green stone used in jewellery = quarry!
Our politicians jumped into the jampacked.
Terror have no any chance for loot and plunder.
In that town security is also tightly available.
Student life is very good and enjoyable like no tension and no mention.


So what do you think? Hilarious? Unbelievable? Frustrating? Our sentiments exactly!

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Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.


- Lyrics by Digby Diehl, sung by The Carpenters

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